omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
