He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
