Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
