Jerry, you need to find god
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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