I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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