i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
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