I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
