dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
pray to the hookup gods
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
