Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
