I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
