what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Randomize
