Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
