He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
