the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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