I must be too annoying 4 u.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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