my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
