I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
