You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
