i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
