All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
