dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
