are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
