I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
