Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
