The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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