I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
