I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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