I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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