I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Congratulations! We have a period
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