Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
