dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
