I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
