why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
