we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
