And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
We left an ass print on the piano.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
