he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
