eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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