If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I wear drunk well.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
