I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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