I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize
