honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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