my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
