omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
