So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
