im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
