i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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