You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
