she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
