Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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