Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
