Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
