my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
